Are Their Reasons Good… Or Bad?

Your ex wants to be friends because… well… actually there are a few reasons, some of them good – and – some of them not so good. You see, a lot of it depends on how you broke up and what your relationship was like prior to the split. But as you know, in spite of the reasons for your breakup, wanting to remain friends begs the question…

…WHY?

Well, like I said, there are many reasons why your ex might want to stay friends with you which we’ll go into in a minute. But first, have you considered just what staying friends with your ex might be like?

You’ll be spending time together without actually being a couple. If your breakup happened a long time ago, then sure, this might be a good idea. But, if your relationship broke up more recently then you might want to think carefully about remaining friends with your ex.

Does it make any difference if it’s an ex girlfriend or an ex boyfriend that wants to remain friends? The short answer to that is… no. Fundamentally, their reasons usually end up being very similar and they’re all explained below.

If you are going to be in the same company socially then remaining friends will very likely mean watching your ex in romantic situations with some other person.

Would you be comfortable with that?

Would you be comfortable with your ex watching you with someone new?

Breakups can be very complicated events. It’s not what caused your breakup that’s complicated, although it can be, but more so all the different emotions that you are going through.

That’s not surprising because there is actually a double loss involved. If your relationship was ever a close one then you don’t just lose a lover, you lose a best friend as well.

Staying friends with an ex may just be a way of diminishing this loss.

It’s just possible that this is part of the answer to your question, “Why does my ex want to be friends?”

If you are like a lot of other people, then you have two distinct relationships going on at the same time. You don’t want to lose your friend as well as your lover.

While there are couples that can cope with, or even thrive on, a breakup becoming just a friendship, it’s a fairly rare occurrence.

Sometimes it’s great when your ex wants to be friends, but mostly it’s not.

If you’re the one that initiated the breakup, then staying friends can be courting trouble. Your ex will never get the chance to be fully over the relationship.

There is a good chance that they will always be looking for some kind of reconciliation. If you think about it, this is very selfish, and cruel, behavior on your part.

If you’re the one that was dumped, then unless you are of the same mind as your ex, and really agree that the romantic part of your relationship is over, you are setting yourself up for a long and painful ‘friendship.’

Normally, after a breakup, you will either want nothing to do with your ex anymore — or — you will want to be so much more than just friends with your ex.

As appealing as staying friends might appear, be careful!

As you will see, their reason may not be as innocent as you think…

So lets consider why anyone would want to remain friends with their ex after a romantic relationship breakup.

The Dumped:

Usually, if you’re the one who was dumped, you resent, possibly even hate, your ex — or — you still have very strong feelings for them.

Neither of these options should make you want to be friends with your ex.

The first one is pointless. The second one would hurt you even more than you’re hurting now, and leave you wide open to being used, and it would serve only to prolong the agony.

The Dumper:

Usually the dumper has made their decision to breakup with you for one of 4 reasons.

  1. They have found someone else that they prefer over you.
  2. They have found something to dislike about you that they find hard to get past.
  3. They have fallen out of love with you.
  4. They are bored with you.

Yes, I know there are loads of reasons to breakup with someone, but if you break them down you can usually fit them into one of the above four reasons. For instance, you had an affair — that would fit nicely into number 2.

Knowing that… why would you want to remain friends with them after the breakup?

Does your ex still care for you?

Your ex may want to be friends because they, wrongly, think it will be a kinder way to breakup with you. They are genuinely thinking of your feelings and trying to soften the blow. But they’ve failed to really consider how that would affect you.

They may feel guilty and are trying to make themselves feel better. Sure, they still have enough feelings for you to care, but it’s really themselves they are thinking of.

Is your ex simply playing games?

Your ex simply wants to be confident that you don’t make waves in the future.

If your relationship has lasted any length of time then you probably know each other’s family, in any case you probably have mutual friends. You most likely all hang out at the same places.

This all means that you could make it awkward for your ex. By staying friends your ex can get on with their life without fear of any scenes in public.

Is your ex hedging their bets and stringing you along?

Perhaps your ex wants the best of both worlds. They want to play the field with the knowledge that you’re waiting on the sidelines. They are just keeping you available. The chances of them reconciling with you are extremely slim, but they are willing to keep you hanging around ‘just in case’.

It could also be just an ego trip, they want to show they can still have an affect on you.

It’s also possible your ex is still in love with you, they see ‘being friends’ as a stepping stone to getting back together with you. If this is what you want, that’s fine. But, if you’ve already moved on, then it would be unfair to give your ex ‘hope.’

There’s another possibility, this next one is kind of evil but thankfully it’s not very common. Sometimes your ex wants to remain friends for purely selfish reasons, they want to keep tabs on you.

It’s not out of any concern for you or your feelings. It’s because they don’t want to appear stupid to their friends.

How would they look if you ended up happier than they did? Maybe you found someone significant before they managed to. Perhaps you just take to the ‘single life’ a whole lot better than they do.

Whatever happens, they have ensured that they will still be around close enough to spoil things for you if need be.

And the last reason? Well, your ex is just spiteful and pretending to be friends in order to get some kind of revenge at some stage.

So, your question as to why your ex wants to be friends,… does it really matter?

As you can see, when your ex wants to be friends it is rarely a good idea.

Just bear in mind that you can both remain amicable without having to be friends, it’s not a requirement. There is no good reason for your ex to pressure you into being a friend.

I hope this has helped answer your question, “why does my ex want to be friends?”

BUT… Lets forget about what your ex wants, what do YOU want?

The Alternative…

Do YOU want your ex back?

If you want to turn the tables on your ex and have them want to be MORE than just friends – in fact, have them chase you to get back together again then… just click here and find out how to plan your reconciliation.

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